Divorce is never easy. It becomes especially difficult when children are involved. Many children will internalize their feelings about the break-up or secretly blame themselves. Often a child will “act out” in school, due to an increase in anxiety and worry. Couples counseling can often advise couples on how to handle a divorce as gracefully as possible, prioritizing the feelings of the child while taking care of each other as well.

So what are some the basics to be aware of, when it comes to your child and an imminent divorce?

* Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
* Tell your child together with your spouse.
* Keep things simple and straight-forward.
* Tell them the divorce is not their fault.
* Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
* Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
* Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child.

Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative or by withdrawing. Older children may feel deep sadness and loss. Their schoolwork may suffer and behavior problems are common. As teenagers and adults, children of divorce can have trouble with their own relationships and experience problems with self-esteem.

Inevitably, divorce for children and teens is a process; ongoing and unfolding. The more consistency that can be kept in-tact and the more love and open communication that is expressed, the better. An unhappy household of two parents fighting can have its share of damage on a child, too. So while a divorce is difficult, marriage and family counseling can help a family see a light at the end of the tunnel.